Updated: Apr 2, 2020
I’m trying to do some serious decluttering. I’m looking at a stack of paper and making choices; keep it or toss it? I am a paper hoarder. When I watch that show Hoarders and hear that many of them started off as neat freaks, I start to get nervous. I think, ‘That’s me’. Looking at the mounds of paper in their homes I think, ‘How did they get to that point?’. I know how they got to that point, by holding on to every scrap like I do. I’ve got to do better.
In clearing the papers I found a torn page from an old journal. It was dated April 5, 2018. Here’s what it said:
I am back on the journey. April 1st was Easter, and I committed to making it a “Resurrection Day” for my goals. I have accomplished much from list. The weight loss goal, however, was going nowhere. So far, since setting the goal, I went from 268 pounds to 275.6 on 4/1/18.
How does this happen?
1.) I don’t make time to go to the gym. I have time - 24 hours. I just need to use one to workout. Instead, I usually choose running errands, something with/for the kids and hanging out with my husband. I also have gotten out of the habit of getting up early.
This week, I decided to go to the gym; making time to go during spaces where I would traditionally say, “I can’t" or “maybe later”.
2.) Ordering the kids around
3.) Eating out
5.) Being unprepared for meals at home
7.) Self defeated thoughts
8.) Keep thinking I have time
9.) Accountability - God, scale, workout partner, group
10.) Purpose - 5k
Look at there. I list nine causes of my lack of progress in my weight loss goal. The problem of my weight remained a problem until the fall of 2018. The solutions I list here are the solutions that ultimately allowed me to lose so much weight. Why wasn’t I successful before? Because I didn’t do what I knew to do.
Sometimes I think I felt more comfortable making lists and plans than actually completing the plans. If I completed the plans and my life didn’t change, then what? If I worked out with diligence and didn’t lose all the weight or gained it back, then what? That’s frightening and I think it became more comfortable to establish goals and plan to meet them than to relentlessly pursue them and check them off my list. Am I the only one that knows deep down inside, the answer I seek is already known to me? If you feel that way, what’s stopping you from actually doing the work to reach your goal?
Now that the weight is off, I still need to work to maintain the loss and lose even more. I also have to work really hard in the gym to be prepared for this bodybuilding competition. The hard work doesn’t stop in the gym, it continues to my plate. The answer, like I said, remains the same. I have to take one hour out of the 24 I’m given each day to make it to the gym and give it all. I’ve got to eat the food that will fuel my way to this dream; nothing more and nothing less.