Updated: Mar 25, 2020
I think he believed I would agree to a quick divorce. He said, "Just let me divorce you real quick so I can be a better father to the kids and a better friend to you.” It wasn't quick, and the promise of being a better friend and father never materialized. I lived in seasons of shame, carrying the weight of his public abandonment on my shoulders. I had to find my way, spiritually speaking, off this dark path.
The path of darkness started before my marriage ended. In 2016, my husband and I became estranged from our eldest daughter. She leveled us with mental health and abuse allegations and left her black heritage behind. So my season of shame continued.
Cheated on? Shameful!
Forgave him and took him back? Shameful!
Abuse allegations? Shameful!
He left you with all those kids? Shameful!
You’re talking about it? Shameful!
I thought it was shameful—but it wasn’t.
Processing it made me realize who I was. I learned from the pain and left those seasons of shame behind. As I passed through the turmoil of adultery and family estrangement, it seemed that it couldn’t get any worse.