Oh my gosh I said it. And let me add that you can’t celebrate Beyoncé if you don’t celebrate Tina Knowles, Hillary Clinton, Will Smith, Aventer Gray, and me too dammit! Tina called it quits on her husband. Her choice. Hillary Clinton stood by her man. Her choice. Will Smith said you got dirt, I got dirt, and stayed with his wife, his choice. Aventer said, bump all that, I’m staying with my husband. Her choice! When did the world turn into a place where you can get clowned for DOING WHAT YOU VOWED TO DO?
I see so many memes about John Gray and his wife Aventer Gray. To have your husband cheat on you is humiliating. It is degrading. It would require more space and time than I have in this post to even begin to give voice to it. It doesn’t stop with the cheating either. Your mind begins to betray you. Do you know how many dreams Aventer probably has about her husband with the other woman? She probably dreamed of losing all of her money and status. She probably dreamed what if I lose my kids? She probably day dreams about a new man that she can't put a face to. A tall drink of water that would love her the right way.
After she did all that, she probably dreamed about her dating relationship with her husband and longed for the man she thought he was on the day she married him. She probably had a slight smile come across her face as she remembered the sweet gestures and phrases John would say. She saw herself at the altar vowing to love him for better or for worse.
When she got to that point, she probably started thinking, "OK Lord. Am I going to trust you with this or not? I mean, I know I have the biblical right to leave him, but Lord I’m going to give you this broken mess of a man and marriage, and Lord fix me, fix him, fix our family!” She said amen and prayed like hell that God would give her the desires of her heart.
She probably cringed every time she saw or heard something that reminded her of the marital intruder. Just like I do when I hear Spanish being spoken. Just like I do when I see a KIA or an Audi (the car Kriscia now drives since my husband is helping with the bills). She may have even avoided entire roads like I do Route 5 so I won’t see The Colony South Hotel, or whole towns like I do Waldorf. She most likely wants to bust somebody head to the white meat when they discuss the prospect of her "taking all John Gray's money" in a divorce. Like I did for so many people. For the record, Nyles took half my money. How 'bout that? The whole pot was ours. What I got is a part of my money...redistributed... back to me and my children where the good Lord intended those greenbacks to be.
Maybe she stood in the mirror and looked at every roll of fat, stretch mark, pimple, wrinkle, and scar and thought ‘does she have these?’ She may even gotten down to her vagina. Yes! I thought I bet Krsicia’s vagina is really pink and perfect. Listen, I’m telling you in my Jack Nickelson voice, “You can’t handle the truth.” So stop clowning her like you can!
She probably was just waiting for her friends, her family, his fucking family, the church members -the world! - to be upset and hurt for her and give her grace because dammit this man is cheating again.
But noooo. She’s stupid for taking him back. She’s the butt of the jokes. Y’all black men and women clowning that black woman for putting her family on her back and carrying that weak ass broken man ‘ought to be the most ashamed. Then want to ask us to keep quiet about the betrayal, homeschool the kids, work, cook, clean, fuck, and be strong for y’all?
To top it all off she gets rewarded for her perseverance through the first affair by him stepping out on the marriage again. And then getting clowned again by the onlookers! Do you think it feels good to get cheated on again? To have to say #IGotkrisciad? No, you don’t, so cut it out.
Aventer, don’t wait for anyone else to understand. You just need to understand yourself. Take an inventory of who you are. Take your husband back, kick his ass out, beat the bitch (holla at me if you do), tell his momma she bore a weak ass man, reinvent yourself, wallow in the bed, cut off friends who think you are dramatic, cut off friends who think you should do what they think you should do and not what you want to do, cut off friends that support you in private and not in public. Do. You. Boo! God will bless the rest.
And they all said…. Amen. The doors of the church are open.